Quest-for-my-Colon

The Basketball Team 2006 Part 2

2006-07-24T17:58:00.000-04:00

Brody wishing Kieran hadn't been admiring his shot and had gone after the rebound.

Grisham stares down his opponent.

Grisham thinks about how good his shirt fabric feels.

Phil's leg muscle's impress me.

That ref looks very attentive. That or he's hiding a little something from watching a wet Brody hit easy lay ups all day.

This whole basketball tournament was powered by that windmill in the background. No, that's just a joke. Just like wind power.

I don't know what Kieran was planning here, but his face tells me it's mischevious.

Tough D wins championships.

Tough D wins Championships. I ran out of lines. Sorry.

The Basketball Team 2006

2006-07-24T17:33:00.000-04:00

Coming soon: The Article

The guys warm in the background as this guy asks," How am I going to beat five white guys named The Basketball Team?"

First, a tribute to the loyal fans.

And...their dogs?

Good 'D' wins Championships.

And so does Paul's "Okay, alright, I like it!" clap.

Ronny admiring his shot.

Brody, admiring Kieran, admiring his shot.

Much like my hair...

2006-06-04T11:38:00.000-04:00

THE END IS NEAR......

ALL WILL BE REVEALED SOON

Nothing is free in life...

2006-04-26T21:46:00.000-04:00

Except paint jobs on your private plane.

Goat theories

2006-04-25T18:25:00.000-04:00

I found this picture of Justin Timberlake from his early days on the Mickey Mouse club. I don't really see the goat thing but he really grew into those big ears of his.

Can you spot the difference?

2006-04-23T10:24:00.000-04:00

Lance Rasmussen "That singer from Nickelback looks like a goat."

I have to say: Our American friend is very preceptive. Take a look at the Chad / Goat similarities.

And check out these unreleased song lyrics.

"...never made it as a wise man/ couldn't make it as billy goat grazing/ tired of living like a blind man / eating grass just gives me that feeling" - Cha-a-a-ad Kroeger, Nickelback

The least sexy man alive

2006-04-21T11:22:00.000-04:00

They had a contest. This man won.
Gilbert Godfried:
The World Least Sexy Man.

Congrats Gil - this is a sure shot in the arm to your career.

Here's the top ten:

001. Gilbert Gottfried
002. Randy Johnson
003. Roger Ebert
004. Dr. Phil McGraw
005. Alan Colmes
006. Chad Kroeger
007. Mike Mills
008. Osama Bin Laden

009. Jay Leno

010. Don Imus

Anyone missing?

______________

BTW: It's been 3 months with no red meat.

Questions

2006-04-21T00:00:00.000-04:00

Okay. Look. I've sat idle on this for a while now. I have and always have had some real reservations about expressing opinions that some would classify as conspiracies. Working in journalism, if it has taught me one thing, is that your credability is everything. If people think you're a nut then they will forever think your ideas are nuts too. So, for obvious reasons, I've learned to curtail some of my beliefs and perceptions. Not change them, just choose to voice them in the appropriate environment.

But frankly, between the 9/11 trial of Mossaui and the movie of Flight 93 about to be released - the air in this environment is getting a little too rank with bullshit for my liking. I was actually going to sit on this movie and just leave it be.

I've found that most people repsond in one way or the other to controversial topics. They work towards promoting oneside or the other of an argument often closing their mind to alternative opinions in order to fulfill their human desire of being right. So when you have stuff like this you don't expect to change many people's minds - it becomes preaching to the choir if you will.

That being what it is, there are also times when you have to shout from the rooftops and not care what people think of you for it. This is one of those times. With Flight 93's current release, the 9/11 trial and a war with Iran coming as early as October - this is not a time to be mum on this administration.

So, here it is. A reminder of where this New American Century began. Which ever side of the argument you are on - I encourage you, as always, to think and form your own opinions. And of course leave your comments and open up the debate.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5137581991288263801&q=loose+change&pl=true

Any guesses....

2006-03-28T18:53:00.000-05:00

...why this picture gives me a hard on?

No. I don't have a secret dirt fetish. And no, that phallic symbol in the background does nothing for me either.

The reason I'm pitching a tent for this empty lot is because this is where the Canadian National Soccer Stadium will be come next year.

That's right. I'm pitching a tent for a pitch. Dig it?

You're the....

2006-03-27T14:55:00.000-05:00

The 1000th visitor.

Leave your name and number to be entered in the draw for a 16oz. Kobe Beef Steak. All steaks will be mailed out via Canada Post one week after the draw.

No guarantees of freshness.

Lance clears the air....

2006-03-22T17:47:00.000-05:00

In an effort to promote fair and balanced blogging, No Beef for Benjamin would like to draw the attention of the blogsphere to Lance as he attempts to clear the air about his country and his fellow countrymen in

America the land of understanding.

Liberal leaks

2006-03-22T17:30:00.000-05:00

I would like to keep my friends at home and abroad abreast on local politics. So, I give you the newest campaign poster leaked from within the Federal Liberal camp.

The World Will Be Watching (and asking)

2006-03-21T23:09:00.000-05:00

Now that Vancouver is to host the 2010 Winter Olympics these are some questions people the world over are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are jokes, and the questions are hilarious; but sadly the questions were really asked (really sadly)

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A:Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's(cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada?(USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegans. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

The Final Word

The Final Word today goes to our American Correspondant Beezley in Virginia. Beezley spoke to No Beef for Benjamin via email regarding her fellow Americans and their obvious grasp of Canadian culture. Beezley, herself, was once a Canadian and has asked us to disguise her identity so she may not be revealed as a traitor to her country. A country she loves very much.

Beezley

I've been asked if we have summer in Canada? If there are black people in Canada? If everyone speaks French in Canada (that's after working with me for over a year and never hearing me utter one word of French, let alone speak with a French accent)? If our money is really modeled on Monopoly money and if it's true that the "Eskimos" really eat whale blubber (as if I'd know!)? I've also been complimented on my command of the English language... I assume that that person also thought everyone in Canada only speaks French.

But I think the best one I've ever heard was one some Murrican woman in Florida (I think) asking if we have the same moon in Canada!!! I mean, c'mon.... how many moons does she think the Earth has?!

When you jump its good to have a parachute

2006-03-20T12:23:00.000-05:00

I need to apologize to those who read my blog last week about When you jump enjoy the fall. I advertised that I had written an article that I was certain was going to get me into trouble and encouraged you to go out and read it. Well, to those that read it and were disapointed to read more of a happy go lucky piece my sincerest apologies. As it turns out, my editor-in-chief agreed with me. It would have got me into trouble. So, he pulled the piece in favour of something a little more tame. I was disapointed and relieved at the same time. Disapointed because there were really only a few good shots in a story I was hoping to stir up some shit with. Relieved because its good to know I have an editor who will diploy my parchute and catch me when I jump too far. But I'm thinking about posting the complete story on here. However it has been brought to my attention that more than my friends have been logging on to this blog (google Ben Rycroft and this blog comes up). So even here I should probably be careful what I write.

Nah. Give it a day or two and I'll post the full story.

YOUR FIRED!

2006-03-18T10:02:00.000-05:00

Canadians everywhere celebrated this week as Ted the Canadian Tire guy was fired. A new ad company took over the Canadian Tire account last month and decided to go in another direction. A spokesperson for the ad company said, "It wasn't that hard of a decision to be honest. We found that he was so universally disliked that he was completely ineffective as a spokesperson."

Well, duh!?! The only question now is why it took so long.

To Ted I say farewell. Go shove that Mastercraft drill up your ass.

IRAN

2006-03-17T20:23:00.000-05:00

I had a chance to meet and interview Gwynne Dyer in my first year of school. At the time I had little knowledge of who he was and what he had accomplished. Now, I've come to realize how much of an impact this Canadian has. To journalists he's a rock star. I've included a recent article here because I feel his analysis is spot on and it needs to be said in light of all that's going on right now. However, I encourage you to read it and draw your own conclusions.

17 February 2006
Iran, Oil and Euros: The War Scenario
By Gwynne Dyer

Here's the scenario. On March 20th Iran opens a new bourse"(exchange) on which countries all over the world can buy and sell oil and gas not only for dollars but also for euros. It also establishes a new oil"marker" (oil pricing standard) based on Iranian crude and denominated in euros, in open rivalry to the existing West Texas Intermediate, Norway Brent and UAE Dubai markers, all of which are calculated in US dollars.

The Iranian bourse is a instant success with countries and companies that are unhappy about having to hold huge amounts of overvalued US dollars to finance their oil transactions, all of which must present lybe conducted in that currency. Very large sums start to shift from the dollar to the euro, although exactly how much is unknown because the US Federal Reserve System (by pure coincidence, of course) has chosen late March as the time to stop publishing the data that would make it easy to know how fast the haemorrhage was.

But the US government knows, and is deeply alarmed by the danger that the dollar may be losing its status as the world's only reserve currency. Given the huge deficits that plague the US economy, the US dollar's value would collapse if other countries began to see it as just another currency, so the euro must be prevented from emerging as analternative reserve currency. In practice, that means the Iranian experiment with a euro-denominated oil bourse must be stopped -- and the only way to do that is to attack Iran. Some of the scenario-mongers would change the sequence of events and have the US launch a "preventive" attack against Iran before it even opens the bourse. An alternative scenario has Washington persuading Israel to do the dirty work of actually launching air strikes against Iran. But alot of people are genuinely worried that the whole crisis over Iran's alleged nuclear weapons programme is being whipped up to give Washington cover for a strike against Iran that is really meant to halt the bourse.

In support of this thesis, they argue that a similar initiative by Saddam Hussein, who began insisting that Iraq's oil exports be paid for ineuros in 2000, led directly to the US invasion of 2003. The Iranians are going much further, and they will be punished too. How seriously should we take this argument? Although final details on the way the Iranian oil bourse will operate are still lacking, it's clear that a euro-denominated oil exchange could catch on, and would indeed challenge the US dollar's uniqueadvantages as the world's sole reserve currency. However, it is less clear that the Bush administration actually knows or cares about this.

There is no real evidence linking Saddam Hussein's demand to bepaid in euros for Iraq's oil with the subsequent US invasion of Iraq. Those two events occurred almost three years apart, and in any case Saddam merely asked to have the cheques made out in euros, so to speak. Iraq's actual oil sales continued to go through the New York or London exchanges and to be conducted in dollars. Besides, those were the early years of the Bush administration, and US dollar was much less vulnerable because the twin US deficits on the federal budget and the foreign trade account had not yet had time to swell to their present massive size. The euros-for-oil story is just one of many motives that people have proposed to explain the Bush administration's attack on Iraq, given that Saddam had neither terrorist ties nor weapons of mass destruction, but it fails to convince.

The rapidly deteriorating financial position of the United States probably does explain the Federal Reserve's announcement that on 24 March it will stop publishing data on the M3 money supply, which tracks how many US dollars are held by foreigners.

If you are worried about a panic flight from the dollar, then you want to keep any downward trend in overseas holdings of US dollars out of public sight. But the Fed might well be doing this around now even if no Iranian oil bourse were on the horizon, and no dramatic conclusions need to be drawn from it. In order to believe that the US government is planning an attack on Iran to head off the challenge to the dollar that a euro-based Iranian oil bourse would represent, you must first believe that the Bush administration actually worries about such things, and there is little proof that it does. It certainly should, but if it truly did, would it have pushed through the biggest tax cuts in American history?

The Bush administration is reckless enough to contemplate an attack on Iran, but it is too ignorant about fiscal and monetary matters to worry about such esoteric matters as the potential connections between a shift to euros in the oil market, foreign investor confidence in the US dollar, and the sustainability of the massive US budget and trade deficits. AsVice-President Dick Cheney said to former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill when the latter protested over the huge Bush tax cuts (an issue on which helater resigned): "Ronald Reagan proved that budget deficits don't matter."

If the US does attack Iran, it will be for other motives.

(courtesy: www.gwynnedyer.net)

Like who?

2006-03-13T15:26:00.000-05:00

What the Conservatives are saying:

Wow. Look at us. We're just like the Americans.

Mission Accomplished.

What the Liberals are saying:
Wow. Look at them. They're just like the Americans.

Mission Accomplished.

Ever just know you're in trouble?

2006-03-13T15:18:00.000-05:00

I'm getting that feeling prior to printing an article this week. I know what I'm saying is true but I'm wondering if it's going to bring about more trouble than its worth. Oh well. When you jump just try and enjoy the fall. Look for the issue this Thursday.

The Stratford Breakfast Tour Continued...

2006-03-11T12:33:00.000-05:00

Bella Della
What we like: Original, unique breakfast selections.

What we don't: Very pricey. Small portions. Atmosphere is fine dining but it feels off. $2.50 for an Orange Juice? No Thanks.

What we recommend: Not eating at a restaurant that has Jamie Lingard's brother as the head chef. That and you know the place is off when its playing Madonna during the breakfast serving.

24 Avon St
What we like: Everything. French toast and when he makes them, Ben's best eggs ever.

What we don't: Washing our own dishes.

What we recommend: Watching soccer while eating.

The Final Word

Lil' Nicky
The breakfast tour is over and we didnt have to go far to find the best place. Home made food- made your own way, is as good as it gets.

No Beef for Benjamin
Stratford missed its chance. I was wiling to pay a pretty penny for a good breakfast spot. But, when you can get everything you want in the comfort of your own home - there is really no reason to go elsewhere. Fuck you Stratford.

After being eliminated by American Idol...

2006-03-10T19:54:00.000-05:00

After being eliminated by the American Idol judges this week the former Premier of Ontario walked off the stage to the comforting arms of his mother. As the sobs of, "They're wrong. They're wrong," died down, he found his composure and started making preparations to become the next leader of the Liberal party. Here is his resume.

Robert (Bob) Rae
125 Raedays Road
Toronto, ON
416-666-0567
_______________________________________

Purpose: To pursue my singing / political career. To love and be loved.

Education:
Corespondance Diploma
Saskatoon High School 1965-1976

General Arts Degree
DeVry Institute of Technology 1978-1981

Voice and Music Certificate
Miss Suzy's Music School for the Gifted 1991-Present

Accomplishments:
- Cut Ontario public student education funding in half.
- Implemented Rae days to fund tax breaks for the rich.
- Particpated in and backed a post secondary education loan program that will keep students in debt longer under the guise of creating relief.
- American Idol finalist.

Almost let this slip by

2006-03-10T19:32:00.000-05:00

Make no mistake. Harper's implementation of judicial judges now being required to submit to peer review by politicians is a step towards the American judicial selection process. As it stands now they are not allowed to veto or even vote in judges. But this is a clear step to creating that selection process. Give it 5 years and the governing MP's will be selecting the judges by vote. Give it 10 and the Prime Minister will be selecting them himself. Let's take this oppurtunity to thank Mr. Ethics himself.

Sue everyone...

2006-03-10T19:10:00.000-05:00

Found this today.

VANCOUVER (CP) - Former Colorado Avalanche player Steve Moore has filedanother lawsuit against Vancouver Canuck star Todd Bertuzzi alleging assaultand battery. The suit, filed Tuesday, asks for general, special and punitive damages forBertuzzi's hit on Moore during a game in Vancouver two years ago. In a statement, Moore's lawyer said the suit has been filed as a backup in case there are snags with other legal proceedings.

Bertuzzi hit Moore two years ago Wednesday. The suit claims Bertuzzi "inflicted significant permanent and debilitating injuries" on Moore after Bertuzzi made "violent, physicial contact."
Moore's parents are also claiming damages for "the nervous shock and mental distress" caused by the attack. Jack and Anna Moore "have suffered physical and psychological injury," the suit claims. The couple were watching the game live from their Thornhill,Ont., home when the attack occurred March 8, 2004. During the game attended by thousands of fans, Bertuzzi grabbed Moore from behind, punched him in the head and drove his head into the ice. Moore suffered three fractured vertebrae in his neck, a concussion and other injuries.

This stuff just drives me nuts. First off I didn't think the incident was that bad to begin with. The hit to the back of the head was viscious yes, but I think its been blown out of preportion how he drove Steve's head into the ground. But now that his parents are filing claims as well, I think it clearly shows that Moore, who never really had a career to begin with, is just trying to cash in any way he can. I say, hockey is a rough game, you undertake that danger when you take to the ice. Football player don't sue for being hit hard. UFC fighters don't for a broken nose. Fighting is apart of hockey and players don't have a right to sue. And it goes without saying that their parents don't either.

Otherwise, I should be able to sue for mental distress as well - still having to hear about this bullshit two years later.

______________________

2 months without a steak next Thursday.

I'll be celebrating by going out for St. Patricks Day and drinking Guinness. A meaty a beer as there gets.

Stratford Breakfast Tour

2006-03-04T13:51:00.000-05:00

In honor of my friend Trace Millan's restaurant tour, I have taken it upon myself to do a Stratford Restaurant Breakfast Tour. I have enlisted the help of the cosmopolitan Nicole Burling in hopes together we can provide some advice on where to get a good breakfast in Stratford.

So, No Beef for Benjamin and guest columnist Lil' Nicky present

The Festival City Breakfast Tour

Madelyn's Restaurant
What we like: Great greasy breakfast to work off a hangover. Big portions, plenty of newspapers to read.

What we don't: No raisins for your oatmeal. That's just selfish. You have to come before 11 to miss the church crowd and ensure you get a seat.

What we recommend: It might sound wierd and its definately not for the healthy of heart, get one of their world famous milkshakes with your breakfast. Their milkshakes definately bring all the boys to the yard.

Let Them Eat Cake
What we like: Energetic, happy servers. Fairly empty so your food comes quickly. Homey feel to it. Low prices, big portions.

What we don't: Coffee is self serve and the only cake I saw was in the mirror.

What we recommend: This is the reliable place to go when your normal breakfast spot is too busy to serve you. Nothing fancy, the straight goods. Bring a bigger group and make the restaurant feel like its yours.

Fosters Inn
What we like: Getting to know the staff makes every place more enjoyable and definately goes a long way here. Great ommlettes, french toast and coffee.

What we don't: Selection. Everything is good but the menu feels limited for those who like lots of choice.

What we recommend: Resist the temptation to have your breakfast at the white linen tables and sit at the bar with some of the more colourful locals. Saturday and Sunday mornings are a laughfest as many of those who partied there the night before return (wake up there) to have their breakfast.

Features Restaurant
What we like: A good place to meet up due to its central location. Good service even when its busy. Portions are big, prices aren't.

What we don't: Always busy. Can end up waiting 15 minutes for a seat.

What we recommend: Eat the Paul Bunyen breakfast in under 5 minutes. You'll be a legend.

York Street Kitchen
What we like: The front window seats with a view of the river. A hip jazz club / busy deli feel.

What we don't: A lot. Pricey, rude servers and cramped. Food is fine but overpriced for what your given.

What we recommend: The mexican homefries. You've never had homefries like these - smothered in cheese and salsa - they're made by lesbians.

The Final Word

Lil' Nicky
The tour needs to be expanded. But I like the milkshakes that bring the boys to the yard. Even if they look like crazy people ie. No Beefs picture. So, the tour continues.

No Beef for Benjamin
This is the face I make every time I want to have a steak but can't. I agree with Nicky. For a town that has so many restaurants its nuts to not be able to find even one that offers a great breakfast experience. And now that I don't eat steak for breakfast my choices are even fewer.

Note: 'Going Beef' will be the new 'Going postal'. If I don't find some good breakfasts soon I just may Go Beef on this town.

A letter to Pierre McGuire

2006-03-03T20:15:00.000-05:00

Dear TSN commentator Pierre McGuire:

Like many Canadians I watched as the NHL return to television last night. It was, without doubt, a joyous occasion for all. But as I angrily walked home from my local sports establishment, I wondered, "Why are I am I angrily walking home from my local sports establishment? Shouldn't this be a time to rejoice with a few bubbly-pops?"

The reason I was so angry, Pierre, is because of your incredibly inane commentary. You are a pimple on the face of Canadian sport. Does any hockey fan in this country enjoy your gruff, opinionated, baseless rants? Or do you just like to hear the sound of your own voice? That's about the only good reason I can figure you think "Wammo" is a catch phrase. It's fun when words sound like their action - eh Pierre?

Well, as I watched the broadcast last night I got the distinct impression I was doing so, not with the likes of a professional but rather with the likes of a drunken frat boy. A point made ever so clear when you referenced just how fast those Russians are.

How fast are they Pierre?

"They're going down faster than beer at a frat party."

Lame. Even for you.

How you are even employed in the first place is beyond me. Don Cherry may be considered a bigot, but at least he wears sharp suits and knows when to shut up. You're a disgrace.

Yours truly,
No Beef for Benjamin

In honor of ...

2006-02-27T19:08:00.000-05:00

The movie:

No Beef for Benjamin Presents:

"You wanna know how I know you're gay?"

That's a man you're texting on your cellphone.

_____________

Gay also means happy. And you are obviously very sad about your happiness.

___________________

That's not mashed potatoes in your mouths. And Phil couldn't be happier about it.

_______________________

Your relationship with Tom is homo-erotic at best.

____________________

The idea for Brokeback Mountain came from this moment.

__________________

You sleep with men.

______________________

There are no pants being worn in this picture.

___________________

1 month and a half without steak...

Believe it.

__________________

1 day and a half without an apartment...

I don't want to believe it.

When you have...

2006-02-15T19:08:00.000-05:00

...Writers block. Opt for a Far Side Cartoon.
God Bless Gary Larson

The Five Rings of the Olympics

2006-02-14T20:26:00.000-05:00

When the Olympics began the five rings stood for the five continents who would engage in competition. That was then and this is now. What I believe:

The Five Rings of the Modern Olympics Stand For

Integrity.

______________

Unity.

_________________

Athleticism.

_____________

Sportsmanship.

_____________________

Fair Competition.

___________________

1 month without a steak...

As of yesterday I, Ben "Red Meat Intravenus" Rycroft, have gone one whole month without a steak. Technically, I didn't make it the whole month without red meat. There was a technicality in what I am calling Nachogate, but more or less, I have made it through one whole month without eating a steak or steak product.

___________________

When smelly tech teachers attack....

I had a special moment in my young journalist career this past week - My first public attack. A certain goaltending coach, for a certain team, took it upon himself to tell me "I'm a joke," and "I shouldn't be allowed to write ever again." This touching moment came after an article I wrote about how their back-up goaltender was a young talent who needed recognition. But I really think he's just jealous that I have better personal hygeine. Anyone who has ever enrolled in the St. Mike's tech program will attest to that.

The End of the World Began Today

2006-02-06T11:27:00.000-05:00

Stephen Harper Takes Power

Honestly, I don't think it will be this bad.

_________________

Certainly nothing like this.

__________________

Interesting. But, the village people really don't like homo-phobes.

_______________

If either of these buses rolled into my town I'd be running. But Harper's eyes scare the shit out of me.

_____________

I figure this is pretty likely.

_________________

Beef's Prediction: Harper will not nearly be as bad as everyone is making him out to be. He has a minority government, which means he can't "go it alone" on anything. And more than that, Harper is a pretty (I hate to say it) intelligent guy who wants to stay Prime Minister; don't expect anything drastic in the first year. I don't agree with much of what he has to say social value wise, but I do think he will be a positive force on this economy. I do, however, hope that unlike his Republican compatriot to the south, he does not see a small minority win as an indication he should take the country in a whole new direction. If he he does, he'll find himself with the other defunct Conservative PM's / reality show judges Brain Mulroney and Kim Campbell on The Next Great Prime Minister.

Early Candidates for Terrorist of the Year

2006-02-01T19:49:00.000-05:00

Nope. This isn't a retired Gandalf the White. Hamas' Spiritual leader Ahmed Yassin.

_____________

George has fallen off the pace as of late, showing patience with Hamas, Palestine and Iran. But, look for him to make a late run in the year as the domestic spying inquiry heats up. Nothing says Terrorist of the Year like plausable denial.

________________

Defending Terrorist of the Year, Osama was able to hold on to his crown last year despite relatively little terrorizing. He did shock the terrorist world early on in this Terror season however, as he recently released a tape where he suggested a truce between he and America. Some skeptics are already saying that this will surely be the death of Osama's 3 year reign as Terrorist of the Year. But in a time when car bombings are becoming blahzay, fresh ideas might just be what the Terrorist world needs.

_______________

Relatively new to the Terror world, look for Iran's freshly named president Mohammad Khatami to make waves in his neck of the woods by summer. Just look at him telling America he wants to have nuclear weapons. I smell a Terry on his hands.

_________________

Despite being off the scene for since the late 80's, look for Cobra Commander to make a big return this season. And when the Commander is motivated, no amount of GI Joe protection can save us.

________________

17 days with no red meat...

Cow slap: May 24, 2006. On a dare I try to lure a cow over so that I can slap it. Failing, I then ate 3 of them.

Adventure is an adventure to find

2006-01-31T18:54:00.000-05:00

What is an adventure anyway? At least part of the answer lies in the unexpected, an exploration of new territories of reality and imagination. A casting off from the ordinary to journey down roads less travelled. Or, in our current case, a journey in which we all stand still and picture the empty roads stretching away from us.

We are at a point in world history where bad news about the environment is just as jaded and time-worn as the idea that there is nowhere left to go, nothing left explore. Put those two statements side by side, however, and they take on a sudden freshness.

Of course there are new things to do, and no shortage of them. We are going to need to find whole new ways to live into the future and we can start anytime; we can live them right now. Six billion experiments large and small.

The future is as bleak as it is bright and this much I can say for sure: it is going to be one hell of an adventure.

______________

I'm putting out a call for teammates.

This spring I am taking on a new sport.

Teams of 4.

Rockclimbing, mountain biking, canoeing and orienteering.

Dropped in the wilderness.

The team races home for bragging rights and cash.

Think amazing race. But less continents and money.

http://www.adventureracingcanada.com/main

Interested?

_________________

16 days...

Another 14 chicken wings tonight. Damn, I'm healthy

Outside Contenders for the Liberal Puppet Race er..Leadership Race

2006-01-30T14:12:00.000-05:00

Profiles on the 4 Unknowns Running for Liberal Leadership

Oscar The Grouch

Points of Interest: While having never been in Politics per se, Oscar has had good community exposure for some time now, having been a regular on Sesame Street. Years upon years of tireless, thankless grouching has made his face widely synonamous with the poverty fight in today's society. And while he does come off a little rough around the edges for the traditionally moderate Liberals, we've all seen what a little image consulting can do. Right Stephen?

Ed The Sock

Points of Interest: This is a fairly obvious choice for some very unobvious reasons. The first can be illustrated by an old joke. You know the one about how all politicians are puppets and that public strife only occurs when there are too many hands up their puppet butts? No? Well, don't worry I just made that up (pretty good eh?.) In this case however, being an actual puppet will work to his advantaqge. Having only room for one hand up his butt, this will thus will eliminate all public strife. I figure. Secondly, drawing on politcal theory, I have again just made up, a good leader should be the face of his party and able to clearly articulate the party message in public and in debate. Invision Ed The Sock vs. Harper. As well as never having to worry about becoming visibly angry, having a painted on smile and all (like who?), he would cooly be able to respond to any attacks and justify his responses with : "If you don't have anything nice to say, say it often." Lastly, being a puppet he can do what all good leaders do, blame the intelligence community. In his case, a hand up his ass.

Babar the Elephant

Points of Interest: They never lie. Wait, no, they never forget. Yes, an elephant never forgets and as such he'll be able to remember all those election promises he makes. Plus, already used to ruling as king, that fact, and Babar's ability to speak both English and French, makes him an excellent candidate among puppets.

Sponge Bob Square Pants

Points of Interest: Bob will do best to play off the anti-american rhetoric that has become a rampant part of Canadiana in the past few years. Bob, who is already hated amongst Americans for his perceived homosexual tendencies, would do well to play up the gay stereotype in hopes of capturing the hipper image the Liberals are so desperately seeking at this time. While his experience mostly lies in entertainment, a mind such as his - one so apt at capturing the attention of viewers (especially those in the ages 4-9 demographic) - would be able to devise more than a few strategies (songs) for capturing the minds and hearts of all young Canadians.

__________

No Beef's Real Prediction: Scott Brison (Nova Scotia)

___________

15 days....

I had a sweet ass chicken sandwich on Toronto Island this weekend.

Salsa, raspberry mayo on a multigrain bun.

Who the fuck says you need Beef?

Grandma does.

"Where's the Beef?"

Our Fuhrer (ture) Prime Minister

2006-01-26T19:34:00.000-05:00

"Ich bin ein Canada."

As promised:

The Top 5 Unheard Things Out of the Liberal Camp

during the election.

The Decision. Paul Martin's decision to step down was obviously planned months in advance. In fact, it was well known that whoever lost would be stepping down as head of their party effective immediately. The idea being that a leadership convention would take away some of the attention from the winning party and would give the losing party a chance to re-tool and craft a different image for itself. Because, as both parties know, this election wasn't about winning or losing, it was about setting the stage for the next one. And in my personal opinion, the Liberals lost this election purposely to do just that - appear as though they have taken the heat for the Gomery and re-tool.
Take me to your leader. A document was circled during the election indicating that all members should take interest in a group of "special politicians" for post-election knowledge. They were as follows: Belinda Stronach, Scott Brison, John Manley, Michael Ignatieff, Anne McLellan and Joe Volpe. Take a guess as to why.
A Liberal Mole? No, it's not me. But, during the election the Liberals were pointing fingers, suggesting that there was a mole within their camp. This mole was purportedly leaking press releases to conservative friendly reporters ahead of their launch. The idea being that the Conservatives were able to disseminate the information ahead of the release and prepare counter attacks quicker. Joe Volpe, well known to be a "Chretien Liberal" was the main suspect. As far as conspiracies go this one was pretty weak, but some of Martin's supporters within the party felt that there were Liberals left over from the Chretien era attempting to destroy Martin's reputation. Martin and Chretien had a long running public feud for control of the party and it was believed Jean wanted nothing more than for Martin to fall flat on his face. And he did.
Bush / Harper. Towards the end of the campaign a story surfaced that the Conservatives had contacted right wing Republicans in the USA. Of which, were purportedly being given lists of Liberal friendly reporters and explicitly instructed not to comment on the election prior to its finish. It would come out later that none of this was true. It was made up by some of those same Liberal friendly reporters.
Harper is actually human. A common misconception. He's not. But look at him being all human like and walking his kids to school. Granted, he shook his sons hand instead of giving him a hug - but I guess affection is hard for robots. Cue rim shot.

_________________________

10 days without red meat...

Today I picked bacon out of my soup. Your repsonse, damn, he's getting serious. You're damn right I am. I ate 14 chicken wings last night just to prove how healthy I am.

Photo Gallery: Reactions to Harper's Election

2006-01-24T21:53:00.000-05:00

Coast to Coast Reaction to Harper's Election

Man on the phone tells a friend about how his panda voted for Harper.

___________

A former NDP MP kills his opponent upon learning he has lost his riding to a Conservative.

____________

Vote or Die taken too seriously.

_____________

How does Canada have a smaller minority than last time?

____________

Conservatives and Scientologists mock Paul Martin's speech. Both share the knowledge that their leader can teach them to live well after they've been 'properly' programmed.

____________

Potheads everywhere: When was it?!? You better be kidding!

____________

Tune in tomorrow when I reveal some of those Liberal secrets I was bragging about having prior to the election.

_____________________________

9 days without red meat and counting...

Off to the races...

2006-01-19T18:59:00.000-05:00

And it began fairly un-ceremoniously.

There was no big BBQ. No gala event. I didn't eat a 96 ounce steak ala John Candy in the movie The Great Outdoors.

My first meal in the no red meat era was a solid steak free breakfast with a vegan friend of mine in Toronto.

I figured, if anyone, he'd be able to offer me some advice, encouragment, support.

But instead of philisophical / moral / morale support, we ended up at the Paupers Pub lower level getting drunk and watching football. Not exactly the start I had envisioned, but what the hell.

So, it's been 5 days without any type of red meat. 5 succulant, juicy, red through the middle and pink throughout days and I'm pretty sure I'm not craving it.

I've had a few moments of weakness, where I almost unconsciously ordered a steak sub, or a beef wrap, but I've held true to my word.

But, I haven't exactly had any help either. My brother saw fit to taunt me the day before I began my "not-so-hungry" strike. He ordered a steak at Bentley's and asked me a dozen odd times if I wanted a bite. He's still working out some childhood issues from when I may or may not have asked him to smell my finger.

Regardless though, it hasn't been as hard as I first thought. I figure the real test will be when the summer BBQ season comes or more likely when Ken invites me over for one of our famous meat days.

For those who don't know the story, it's a pretty simple one.

We sit.

We eat meat.

We do this all day.

A Meat Day Menu

1 Rack of Ribs
1 x 24 box of wings
2 steaks each
1 pork chop
Couple baked potatoes
Skewered veggies with meat on them

No I'm not lying. We should both be very fat men right now.

God bless my matabolism and Chuck Norris. (Note * This is not one of those over quoted Chuck Norris jokes. Ken has a Chuck Norris machine and he is, thus, now a machine)

So, I've been thinking about what else I can write in here between posts on progress. I mean readers are only going to stand for "what I found to eat this week and the delectable way I prepared it" so many times before they start calling me the Martha Stewart of blogging.

And that's not a title I want.

I suppose I could weigh in on the hottest topic right now, the election and an impending Conservative majority. I have some good gossip coming out of the Liberal camp in regards to a mole who has been leaking press releases prior to their launch.

I could also throw in some philisophical jabs after I saw the inspiring movie Being John Malcovich and what it means to experience life though the seeing of the soul instead of an imprisoned mind.

But, today I think I'll save the gossip and philisophical meandering. Perhaps post-election so I don't get fired.

Today I give you: The Top Ten Things I Hate To Be Cold

Hardly inspiring I know, but what do you want. It's a blog about not eating meat.

Food. I'm talking, you're upstairs working on an interview. Your girlfriend calls, you don't hear her. Thirty minutes later you come downstairs asking "When's dinner?" to a frosty response and even colder dinner. Yikes. Try and enjoy that meal
A greeting. I'm probably the worst for these, because I have such a tough time getting excited to see people I see all the time (what can I say I'm not a golden retriever) but, a cold greeting is the one thing that can easily ruin my day. All I need is a firm handshake and a half smile. Even a sparkle in the eyes just to let me know you haven't found out about that thing I said about you when I was 16. First impressions, my friend, first impressions.
Bedroom floor in the morning. Nothing worse than hopping out of bed and then hopping right back in because you're sure that hell has frozen over and expanded it's borders to Stratford (not a far stretch of the imagination for a guy who lived in the entertainment capital of Canada only to return to a fruity version of Woodstock). Some one should invent heated floors. Or if they have, give me one.
Coffee. Anyone who drinks this black intoxicant knows I'm dead right with this one. Some may say, "But Ben, why not just use your microwave to re-heat your coffee." To you I say, "You're dead to me." Have you tasted re-heated coffee. It's a cross between cough syrup and hot chocolate.
Toilet seat. That is the last area of my body that I want cold when I'm sitting down to do some serious business. I'll say one thing, shinkage doesn't just apply to the front external apparatus.
Girlfriends toes. No explanation needed. Every guy knows what I'm talking about. Ladies don't think we don't know what you're doing when you snuggle up to us like that and run your icicle toes along our legs. There's no love there. That's all self survival.
Canada. How bout the Hemisphere I live in? Is this really too much to ask? I mean is it possible to change? Should I actually encourage the greenhouse effect? Or just move. Either way, I figure I deserve to live in a tropical climate. I wonder if I could write about hockey in Antigua
Hockey arenas. Backwards thinking? Definately not. If they can split the atom then they can find a way to heat the freaking arenas.
Cars. I can't get into a car after it's been sitting outside all night. I mean, I might as well just whip my pants down and sit in the snow bare ass if I'm going to climb into a car like this. But man do I love those automatic car starter do dads. Genius, pure genius.
Beer. Yep, nothing worse than an ice cold beer. Can you tell I ran out of ideas?

ITS BEEN: 120 HOURS WITHOUT RED MEAT

"One of these things is not like the other/ one of these things just doesn't belong..."

The Story of The Article, The Angry Letter and The Un-Printed Response

2006-01-13T15:29:00.000-05:00

The following is an excerpt from an column I wrote called The Good, the Bad and the Not So Likely. It was met with some rather harsh letters - one of which I have included - along with my response which an editor chose not to (nah- refused to) print. Thankfully. Enjoy!

The Good, The Bad and the Not So Likely excerpt:

The Twin Ice Pads: Stratford will finally be constructing an elite hockey complex to complement its extensive grassroots hockey program. The arena will serve as a replacement for the aging Rotary Rink, which has been dubbed by Stratford council as “not feasible” for re-investment. The complex will feature dual ice pads and serve as a community centre to the Stratford region. Initial construction plans have it rumoured to rival similar complexes out of Toronto and Waterloo.

The Good: Women’s and girls’ hockey, lacrosse, and the newly formed 3-on-3 hockey leagues can all expect to benefit from the available increased ice time. This also makes Stratford a much more suitable fit for tournaments such as the Silver Stick.

The Bad: Much like the Allman Arena, the complex will likely again be named after someone within the town council in-crowd, instead of one its many famous hockey alumni. Suitable suggestions: The Stratford Streak Arena (Howie Morenz) or the Nigro Brothers Complex. Unsuitable suggestions: The Dave Hunt Arena.

The Not So Likely: A further unsuitable naming of the new complex would be: The Steve Rice or John Kastner SuperPlex. (Sorry guys).

Letter in response:

'He was like a father to me’
Gazette disrespectful of William Allman

To the editor:
Well, here it is a new year. A time for quiet reflection on the year that has just passed us by. This past year has not been one of great happiness for my family as both my parents passed away, three aunts and an uncle too. So here I sit on New Year’s Day thinking of the good times I was so fortunate to have with these family members.

This is when I picked up my copy of the Dec.30 Gazette. I started to read some articles and advertisements,and then I came to the sports and an article written by Ben Rycroft, “The Good, the Bad and the Not So Likely.” When I got to the line, “Much like the Allman Arena, the complex will likely again be named after someone within the town council in-crowd, instead of one of its many famous hockey alumni,” it felt like someone punched me in the heart. You ask why? Well, let me tell you.

There are not too many memories of my early life in Stratford with my Mom that do not include a wonderful man by the name of William Thomas Allman. He was likea father to me. It is beyond my realm of thought how a professional journalist can show such disrespect for the memorial that this city has given him and the total disrespect you have shown towards Bill. All this disrespect just so you can get a dig in on a few others that you mention in the article. Then you apologize to these people (Sorry guys).

I know everyone has a right to their opinion, but it is always best if that is an informed opinion. May I suggest that you and Mr. Rycroft do a little research and story on Bill and at the end of that research and story you will know why the city council named the arena in his honour and who William Allman was. Then you can give the heart-felt apology that not just I, but the whole community of Stratford, deserves.

Mike Wille, Stratford

My un-printed response:

Dear Mike:
Thank you for your response to my article. I'm happy to see the Gazette has such a passionate readership. I would however like to clear up a few misconceptions from your letter.

You say William Allman was like a father to you? You mean like a stepfather? Because, like you suggested, I did some research and low and behold I discovered that William Allman was like a father to you because your mother married him. But then, as you're not a professional journalist and it must have been beyond your realm of thought to consider the ethics involved in such a glaring omission before you dumbed down my opinions, I forgive you.

However, now that we're pointing out the obvious, let me draw attention to a few other things I was well aware of prior to printing that article that you do not give me credit for:

William Allman worked for the arena for 15 years.

He cleaned it, kept it going and performed general maintenance.
He was its custodian.
He also had some very high profile friends in the city at the time ie. Mayor Dave Hunt.
The year the arena was set to be re-named, Mr. Allman was retiring from work.
Being the good friend that Mayor Dave Hunt was to Will, he thought it would be nice to name it after him.
Despite the reality that 95% of the city didn't, and still don't, have a clue who William Allman was.

So, I'm sorry I won't be offering you that heart felt apology you asked for. I feel rather strongly that the arena should be named after one of the very famous people who have walked through those doors - hockey players and figure skaters alike.

In fact, I have already done a rather in depth article about the Arena, which if you care to look at can be found at www.stratfordgazette.com , in the sports section, under the title A day in the life of the Allman. It's worth a look. The OCNA (The Ontario Community Newspaper Association) has nominated it for the Best Sports Feature Category.

I am, however, sorry that I hurt your feelings in saying that your daddy didn't deserve to have an arena named after him. But, Mike, let us be honest, how many custodians have had the buildings they work in named after them.

When the city preforms its 4 million dollar renovations on the building next year, the name should and will likely be changed.

I only hope that Dave Hunt's friends in city hall don't feel the same pity for him, that he felt for William Allman, this time around.

___________________________________

I'm rather thankful they didn't let me print this.

The Stratford Mob would have likely left Ellam's and rubbed me out.

36 Hours of Red Meat Eating Remain.

Touchy Subject

2006-01-11T18:27:00.000-05:00

Okay. Before I start I want to say that I abhor the shooting that occured Boxing Day taking the life of Jane Creba, a grade 10 Toronto student.

By all accounts, this was a beautiful, bright young girl who only had potential in this life. It is and it always is a tragedy when someone innocent has their life cut short by senseless violence.

Having said that, I'm disgusted by the way Toronto and Canada have reacted to this murder - shocked; further more using it as a gung-ho rally cry, as though, this problem wasn't around before a white Canadian girl was shot.

I'm a white caucasian male and it disgusts me the way the middle class turns a blind eye to issues like this - only bothering to look up when it affects their own. I mean have you been living under a rock this year? There were nearly double the number of gun related homicides in Toronto this year than in year's past -52 of us- reported by Dec. 26, out of 78 slayings in total. One man was even killed coming out of his church. If something was going to outraged Canada it should have been this.

But no. "It must have been gang related."

The already record number of illegal guns flowing across the border into Canada is increasing.

But no, "Michael Moore said Canada was safe."

We won't be affected.

But no.

As it is with so much else, people are content to not deal with problems as long as it doesn't fall into their own backyard. And I guess that's understandable to a point. But the Hurricanes, Tsunami's and Earthquakes pulled at the heart and purse strings. Just because it hasn't been your children on the news, doesn't mean it hasn't been in your backyard for a while now.

In fact, take a look around, it's in your streets, it's in your schools and it's even in your homes.

So what's the disconnect for the white middle class? The black community and all sorts of others like it seem to understand that there is a systemic problem at hand. Which is why people in Malvern, Jane/Finch and Rexdale have finally begun to come forward through the safety of community groups and churches and tell Police who the offenders are and where the guns can be found. Because they see the connection. They see their neighbourhoods on the news, they know the people who are getting shot and they know it's their children who are at risk.

But, where has been the call to end the violence by the middle class suburban neighbourhoods?

I'm sorry couldn't quite hear that over your riding lawn mower? Nope, one more time, when your SUV started up it backfired a little and I took cover.

One day people wake up, take a look outside, and see that their streets aren't safe anymore. Suddenly, the air isn't as breathable as it once was and their cities, once liveable, have become urban war zones.

Take a look around, Canada is changing.

It's sad that it took the death of a 15-year-old white girl to point this out.

Jane Creba
1990-2005

Ever heard that saying...

2006-01-10T16:36:00.000-05:00

Truth is stranger than fiction?

As a newspaper editor I am privey to some of the strangest of the strange.

I get press release after press release of mostly useless blather asking me to come to this event or that show in return for free passes to whatever.

Sidenote: I have two passes to Blue Mountain this Friday that I can't use if anyone is interested. All you have to do is pretend to be me.

Anyways, today I got a press release from the Ontario Boxing Association. Proof that Mike Tyson isn't the only one making strange news in boxing.

Brought to you by The Official Equipment Supplier of Boxing Ontario

Date: 2006.01.09

Ontario Athletes dominating at the National Championships.

The National Senior Chamionships wrapped up this weekend in St. Catharines, ON with plenty of Ontario athletes bringing home medals and title honours.

Team Ontario Males brought the "Best Male Team" title home in which 5 out of 11 captured gold, including Adam Trupish of Windsor Amateur Boxing Club.
Adam was also named "Best Male Boxer".
The "Best Female Boxer" title and a gold medal went to Jill Perry, from the Ottawa Beaver Boxing Club.
___

No need for crude jokes - all I'm going to say is those are some tough ladies.

Done.

Time for a change...

2006-01-09T13:29:00.000-05:00

Ok. So those of you who know me, know what this is about.

For 24 years I have eaten steak on average 2-3 times a week. I love it. As a child my parents would grind up steak into a paste and serve it from bottle. I'll eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner; sometimes just nawing on one as a snack. I'm only 155 lbs, but nonetheless, my colon accounts for half my body weight (see picture left- notice the nice people walking around my colon).

So, after talking it over with a few people (Jamie and Ken), getting the same reaction (laughing in my face for 5 minutes straight) and being the type of guy I am, I've come up with a challenge:

The Challenge
To not eat red meat for one year

The Stakes
For every person who bets against me: every time I screw up (and let's be honest here - I am going to screw up) I will buy each of you one NY striploin steak. But, for every month I go without red meat, at the end of the year, each of you have to buy me one steak.

Make sense?

Of course not. But what else am I going to do - my colon is the size of a Buick.

The Honour System
So, some of you are sitting there going, well I would like a steak, but how am I going to check and see if Ben is not cheating. To you I say Bah for doubting my honesty!

But if Bah is not enough, well, both my parents are now involved in this little bet, as well as my girlfriend, my brother and a host of other people who want to get a steak. So, when I fail, I will get caught and own up to it.

The Rules
Starting January 15, 2006 I will not eat red meat for one year.

Red meat includes:

Steak
Ribs
Pork
Bacon
Ground Beef
Chili
Basically anything that came from a cow, pig or lamb.

Launch Party
Who: All
When : Saturday January 14, 2006
Where: Ken's Place
Why: To eat some good food, perhaps a party and watch Ben eat his last steak for a year
How: God only knows how I'll do this.

Final Words
If you'd like to get in on this, post your name in the comments section.

Also get in on the "When Ben Will Crack" Pool. Make your prediction by date. Closest gets what else...another steak.

I will be updating this blog regularly with posts on progress. But as it is a blog as well, and I have a healthy distate for politics and politicians I might write a thing here or there about um... you know - whatever.

Being a newspaper editor, as well as working for one of those politicans, I am privey to a great deal of insider gossip - which, of course, I will share with all of you.

So, there you have it.

I triple dog dare you to doubt me.

Done.